Life with God is a Journey....

This is my story from our beginning till now.

Ahhh Fall!!!

My favorite things I look forward to wearing {or wish I had to wear} this fall...

Taylor Swift Inspired Curls

Our days for the beach may be ending but these curls will be great for those colder months as well!!!

Pretty Pumpkin Carving

Last year I carved my first pumpkin, see how I did it....

My Marathon Story!

This doesn't mean I am a runner, or does it?? If I can do this, anyone can!!!

Friday, September 30, 2005

Update on me.


update on me...

Current mood:full
To be honest my heart is great. The stuff about Andy, if I am completley honest feels like it never happened. I think thats just God. God can use whatever he wants in my life, because he's God...and He knows. But I am so greatful for that. The thing is that I have a great feeling of anticipation. Anticipation for this year coming, not so much about the guy stuff cause I really couldn't be bothered worrying or annalyzing things too much with that...but just with Axiom. I just really feel God has asked me to believe in myself and all of the sudden other people seem to really be believing in me too. I feel so blessed. God is good! My heart hopes in Him! 

20 years ago I... 
(1985) 1.)I was 4 years old 2.) 
10 years ago I.... (1995) 
I was in 8th grade. 2.) I had a crush on a boy who didnt know I was alive,wow things have changed so much...haha 3.)I wanted to be a wife and a mom 4.)played softball and got extremley good at spitting sunflower seed shells. Attractive huh? 

5 years ago I... (2000) 
1. had left university and was working at a coffee shop-myfirst job 2.) i got fired from that job because i supposedly called my boss an F*ing B*, that never happened and it devistated me
 (2002) 
1. I started that year in Serbia, not many can say that I guess 2. Went on a road trip that summer in 10 days all across the good ol US of A! It was amazing, Granda Canyon to Niagra Falls and all the in between. 3. Moved to Fremont Cali with my friend Rachel for three months and worked at Starbucks 4.Moved home and had a short lived romance with a guy with strange hands...I am a hands girl. 
(2004) 
1.Was partly on Y1 and the other part was starting LIT with YFC. hows that for a bunch of letters for ya? 2.hard year, lonley year, amazing year...wouldnt change a thing 3. Sang in one of the songs on Axiom-down with that, who wudda thought? 
(2005) 1.Started Believing God series by Beth Moore 2. went to Denmark with Axiom, funniest 2 weeks I've had in a long time 3. finished first year of LIT, started the 2nd. Got a boyfriend, he had ok hands....broke up with the boyfriend...not over the hands. 
Yesterday I... 
1.Taught a dance I choreographed...my life seems pretty cool 2. did a session on Truth and Believing God-mad props to Beth 3.Visited kristin who is on Y1 and lives across the street from Axiom in Warringstown 

Today I... 
1.Listened to I'm Yours the remix about 300 times 2.Talked with Suzi about secret suprises to come, maybe new holidays to be invented, haha..this is work i promise3.Wrote out a beattitude on a banner and it ended up saying..Blessed are the merciful for the will mercy...i thought no one would notice. 

Tomorrow I will... 
1.learn a dance by the incredible teacher Mark Cunningham 2.have a great talk with my great friend laura 3. think about my friend James birthday party that I cant go to because my car is broken

 Next year I will be...
1.possibly moving back to Cali after 3 years, what? 2. hopefully be pursuing being a speaker 3.know the man i will marry...haha, stop its not a joke 4.Love God & His word more than I do right now!


Sunday, September 25, 2005


The Whys??

So Andy and I broke up on Thursday.
To be honest it was hard the whole time.
The thing is that I didn't want another boyfriend to add to my x-boyfriend list, another one to add to the guys I have kissed...yet that is what he now is.
I know I learned things,  I know he learned things...thats all well and good...
but what I ask now is Why?
Why Lord when this is the last thing I ever wanted?
Why when I prayed so much about it?
Why did I think it was so right?
Why would you allow it to happen at all when I am so done with that meaninglessness?
Why a friendship now forever ruined?
Why do I feel used?
Why did I let myself?
Why didn't you protect me?
Why didn't he think about my heart?
Why didn't I think about what I was getting myself into?
Why do I find it hard to hope that there will ever be an end to this waiting, to this game, to this time when no one wants to seem to fight for me....
even when they say they do.
To be honest I am ok. I see that it wasn't good. I am relieved that its not "it" because that means it can only be better than what it was.
It wasn't that long and for that I am greatful.
There weren't that many good memories to be missed.
I have questions for a friend who seemingly used my heart....
but my bigger questions are for my God who allowed me to believe it was a gift from him, a blessing from him...why would He give it and then take it again?
But then...he gives and takes away...blessed be His name.
I trust Him...I do...I know He is good...today is just my frustration day.
Who knows whats around the corner, my hope is in HIM!




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